Just for me and for nobody else.
Why?
To never lose myself again.
Currently, I'm a volunteer research coordinator for a local non-government organization (NGO) studying the labor practices and the welfare of NGO, NGO Network, and cooperative workers. I am really proud to be part of the organization I belong to and if given the opportunity I would continue working there.
So what's the issue?
As easy it is to neglect, I indicated that I'm currently a volunteer. I used to be a paid program assistant to a very competent and considerate boss. She's still my boss, but my job title for a month before this created the illusion that I was my own boss, "research coordinator". Now, I'm a "volunteer research coordinator" and nothing seems lower than somebody whose services aren't paid. Not that I operate on the highly "monetary" measure of the value of one's job, but yeah; my ATM card and wallet are starting to judge me.
http://stupidog112.deviantart.com/art/Poverty-163574071?q=boost%3Apopular%20poverty&qo=4
Another issue is that the topic of "labor practices and workers' welfare" is not my cup of tea. Yes, as "diplomatically" a psychology major whose professional destiny is often outlined as limited to the fork of human resources, education, and counselling/clinical practice, I thought that I had to take the research job in an NGO. It's as close to the ideal job of being a "catalyst for social change" as I will get. I think I could have done better not that it's not already good.
http://fixmein-45.deviantart.com/art/tea-52415941?q=boost%3Apopular%20tea&qo=0
Nor is the said topic my cup of moolatte (sue me, I love DQ's moolatte). Although I'm discovering from an insider's and an outsider's points of view, the very nature of social development work as an NGO worker researching on NGO work, I could imagine better and more subtle ways of achieving the same outcome of learning about such. To make the story short: I wish I had a different job description.
http://greshamdq.com/images/drink/moolatte_lrg.png
Another important thing to bring up is my current occupation as a graduate student of Social Psychology. I've finished 2 semesters, 15 units worth of my hard-earned money for tuition and massive spans of lost time in reading texts, writing papers, and attending class. Currently, I'm on vacation break from graduate school because no worthwhile subjects are there to be taken within my curriculum.
So that's the picture of my professional and academic life as of the moment.
http://kameei.deviantart.com/art/Bored-45800577?q=boost%3Apopular%20bored&qo=10
My contract has long ended and my organization has not been able to secure my financial opportunities. Notice that I did not use "job opportunities" because I had a lot of jobs to do, just without the salary that most people expect that those jobs come with. I do get a volunteer fee that's just half the minimum wage though, but it's not enough to sustain my rather superfluous lifestyle. Good thing I have my parents to live off on.
Yes, if my writing is boring; that's only because my life is so too.
What's there to slice through the humdrum?
Well, there's actually a lot.
One is my VOLUNTARY stint at teaching literature in summer classes for 4th year high school scholars for a scholarship program. HAHAHAHA! Maybe I'm not too fond of earning? Beats me.
Another is a writing class I'll try to enroll for summer which theme's "writing for healing". I love writing even if apparently it doesn't love me back. Hopefully, taking that class will heal the wounds of this broken relationship between me and writing.
I promise: I'll go through all the abuse of going through the traditions of wooing just to get writing to love me! I'll pay all the wedding expenses even if it gets me living in the streets. Being a man by anatomy and physiology, I'll be willing to suffer the labor pains of being pregnant with ideas. I'll even ruin my body just to get the soul out of me. PLEASE WRITING!!!!
http://seetheduck.deviantart.com/art/life-of-a-writer-32629502?q=boost%3Apopular%20frustrated%20writer&qo=1
Although these 2 reasons which revived my love for literature and writing, are reasons for excitement, it has given rise to the very demons that have been bothering me for quite a time.
What demons?
http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=demon#/d18g1de
Because if I recall, I had my superstar moments in college as a literature minor with which I was convinced that I was twice better in literature even if I'm not trying compared to my best efforts (and I mean BEST EFFORTS) in trying to excel in psychology. If I was to try to really understand the implications of such fact, then the degree I'm trying to pursue (Applied Social Psychology) is not the right one for me.
The question is then: to shift or not to shift?
This shift is not just my graduate school concentration, but with regards my career too.
So yeah, things look shady. I'll get off my current volunteering job at the very sight of an exit. It's just that I can't succumb to the temptation of leaving the study I started just because I can't live with the moral blemish that I did not finish the commitment I had with an organization I actually love. The commitment lasts only up to the last week of May because it's the deadline my boss set for me to finish the presentation materials, written reports, and turnover processes necessary to cap off my relationship with my current organization.
In fact, considering the fact that I'm a hater of capitalism, I've even considered a job offer to be a feature writer for a corporate entity. I think it's the writing part that drew me in, but usually the fact that it's corporate should have repelled me already. So yeah, money does talk; even to me.
http://penetre.deviantart.com/art/capitalism-126928215?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Aphotography%20capitalism&qo=3
The way things are flowing, I'll stick with the NGO I work for until I finish the study. Yes, way to practice "service" and "commitment". While doing so, I'll indulge myself with teaching and writing.
I have 2 months to decide if I'll continue with my degree and on what job I will take after my current one.
I hope this'll be worthwhile.
I hope I truly find myself as I let loose of my grip on the certainty of how I've always defined what constitutes "me".
http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?qh=§ion=&q=identity#/d1m4oxu
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